Monday, July 12, 2004

pick an emotion, any emotion

are you ever in a mood, but can't quite identify it? it's been days and i can't name the mood which i'm wearing like a cheap fur coat. it's frustrating as hell because if i could identify the mood, i could do somehing about it - ie: hungry? okay, i'll eat. tired? okay, i'll sleep. self-destructive? okay, i'll go try on swimwear under harsh fluorescent lighting. but i can't pinpoint exactly what it is that i'm feeling. it's somewhere between restlessness and the abject self-loathing that invades my life when i finish a book (writing one, not reading one, thank you very much), but the fact remains that i haven't finished one recently. i want to pack a backpack full of clothes and go somewhere all by myself... somewhere like the grand canyon or yellowstone park or mount rushmore, somewhere that's so much bigger than me where i can get some perspective on the world... perspective - that's the word of the day...