Wednesday, February 19, 2014"So, have you been making any impulsive decisions lately?" my shrink asks, pointedly staring at my faded pink hair.
"Not that I can think of."
He pauses for a second. "None?"
He scribbles something in my folder. "Okay..."
Labels: le crazy
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Sometimes The Kid surprises meSometimes it's even in a good way.
Last night we're watching some sitcom and one of the characters mentions something about the "gay community".
He looks at me and says "Gay community?"
And just when I'm expecting a typically snarky teenage boy response, he says "They're people, we're all people, can't we all just be one community of people?"
Awww, my little liberal.
Labels: adventures in shitty parenting
Monday, November 04, 2013him: We have to leave in a minute, are you going to get dressed?
me (looking down at my sweats and baggy t-shirt): It's 7AM and I'm going to have dental surgery. Unless we're stopping at the White House for coffee on the way, I think I'm good.
In related news, dental surgery suuuuuuuucks, I'm going to die if I have to eat soft food for days and I didn't even get to keep my tooth like the doctor said (but I did get a prescription for Vicodin, so that's a little consolation).
Labels: first world problems
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Dear Young Guy Who Works at the Walgreen's Pharmacy,Every single time I go to pick up my meds, you're working and that's great because you're much nicer and more competent than the other pharmacy tech people who work there.
Since you see the myriad of prescriptions I pick up on a monthly basis, you know I'm all kinds of crazy, which is fine, I'm glad we don't have any secrets. I would like you to know, though, that even though I blank on the most basic information in front of you (last month it was my PIN, today, my home address), I'm not a complete simpleton, you're just very very cute. Distractingly cute. Just thought you should know now since I probably won't be able to remember the spelling of my last name next month.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
at the risk of sounding like a swooning schoolgirl...THE KANYE WEST CONCERT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. IT WAS HUGE AND OVER-THE-TOP, WITH PYROTECHNICS, FACELESS DANCERS, A MOUNTAIN ON STAGE, A CAMEO BY "WHITE JESUS", AND A WEIRD HAIRBALL ON LEGS THAT CREPT AROUND FOR A COUPLE OF SONGS. BUT UNDERNEATH ALL THE THEATRICS AND WEIRDNESS, IT WAS REALLY JUST A RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED GUY PERFORMING FOR AN ARENA FULL OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW EVERY NOTE OF EVERY SONG,
AND, BECAUSE IT WAS HIS LAST LA CONCERT, HE ADDED A FEW EXTRA SONGS AND MAYBE THERE WERE A COUPLE TIMES DURING THE SHOW WHEN I WAS WORRIED I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO FORWARD MY MAIL, BUT I REALLY DIDN'T WANT THE SHOW TO END.
(also, less deserving of all-caps is a "pre-diagnosis" from my shrink of me maybe being "a little bit bipolar" - whatever, all it means right now is a new pill. I'm starting to feel like a guinea pig for whatever traditional and/or alternate therapies anyone can come up with and if this keeps up, I'm going to have to upgrade my little pill organizer to something roughly the size of a steamer trunk, so... yay)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
You might be depressed if...Upon completion of your shower, you realize that you've forgotten to bring a clean towel into the bathroom and you spend a good five minutes standing on the bathmat trying to decide whether or not you should walk down the hallway and get a towel or just stand there and drip dry.
Labels: le crazy
Monday, October 21, 2013
THIS POST DESERVES ALL CAPS!!!!ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE KANYE WEST IN CONCERT AND I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!!!!
ONE WEEK AFTER THAT, I'M GETTING TWO WISDOM TEETH REMOVED. I AM SIGNIFICANTLY LESS EXCITED ABOUT THAT!!!!
Sunday, October 13, 2013The Kid (playing a violent video game): I just got offered a mission to kill four people for $7000. Would you kill four people for $7000?
Me (not looking up from whatever embroidery I'm working on) : I don't know, I guess it would depend on who they were.
The Kid: Umm... it says they're jurors.
Me: Yeah, but I'd need to know who they really are. Are they people who don't use turn signals? Are they people who block the entire aisle at grocery stores with no regard to anyone else in the store? Are they people who text in the movies? If it's them, yeah, I'd probably consider it. What about you?
The Kid: No.
The Kid: Yeah, $7000 is way too low.
Labels: adventures in shitty parenting
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Even laziness needs checks and balancesAfter spending a week in a state full of insanely healthy people, I decided to get a little ambitious, dust the cobwebs off of my bike, pump up the tires and ride it a couple miles over to the post office to drop off some packages.
Then later when I was home, I vacuumed around some coins on the floor because I didn't want to bend over and pick them up.
Labels: "awesome" ends with "me"
Friday, August 30, 2013me (asleep): ...
him (off work today for the long weekend, loudly "creeping" into the bedroom and clearing his throat): ...
me (peeling one eye open):...
him: were you planning on sleeping all day?
me: I was working on it...
him: do you know what time it is?
me: I don't. On account of having been asleep.
him: it's 11.
him: I wish I could sleep until 11.
me: yeah, it's a talent.
him: I've been up since 6:30.
me: did [the kid] get up, have breakfast and get off to school okay?
me (rolling over and pulling the covers up) : my work here is done.