Monday, May 30, 2005

Helpful tip for living with me*

If I'm doing something stupid and obviously dangerous like using a giant knife to slice open a cheap piggy bank** DO NOT tell me "Be careful" because, no matter how safely I'd been operating the cutlery up until that point, just to spite you, the next time I raise the blade, I will proceed to drive it directly into my thumb***. And then, while my hand is gushing blood all over the kitchen, you'll feel really bad. I'm just trying to spare your feelings here.


*you know, in case you lose a bet or get stuck in some lame reality show on UPN
** I wasn't stealing cash from my kid, I swear, we were consolidating several different banks into one
*** Did you know that superglue is as effective as stitches and way more fun than a trip to the emergency room?