Tuesday, May 17, 2005

"We are now boarding groups S & M - Anyone with an S or M on their boarding card is free to board the plane

So - on the way back from the Windy City, I got to the airport in plenty of time, checked my terribly full backpack (although, not full enough to contain my flip flops which are, assumably, still in Chicago), got some souvenirs for the boys and got to the gate in plenty of time to be at the front of the line for boarding group "B".

After some old people who were clearly abusing the whole pre-boarding thing and all the hungover freaks in group "A", I get to get on the plane. I spot an empty aisle seat close to the front, seated at the window of the row is a relatively human looking guy wearing expensive headphones so I slide into the seat, assuming that, since the flight isn't full, we can respect each other's privacy, keep that empty seat between us and make it back to Arizona without any of that pesky conversation stuff.

The flow of people getting on the plane is slowing to a trickle and I'm feeling pretty sure that the empty seat between us will remain empty... until creepy, balding, bespectacled guy-who-looks-like-he-lives-in-his-dead-mother's-basement stops and stares at me. "Is that seat open?" he mumbles.

I nod my head, but don't look up or say anything to him, confident that my visible iPod headphones and the fact that I'm reading a book will prove a deterrent to him getting chatty.

He throws his duffel bag into the seat like it's a dead leopard and then hunkers down into the seat. He's not a big guy, but he seems intent on taking up as much space as possible - why do guys do this? Is it some testosterone thing that dictates that you puff up like a peacock and throw your shit around like Genghis Khan because that will attract more females to mate with?

Creepy Balding and Bespectacled proceeds to spend the entire flight hogging the arm rests, leering at me (because I'm sure I looked tre sexy in my dirty jeans, messy hair and faded Old Navy tshirt), reading this book (which is apparently about making a woman your slave) and touching my leg with his (yeah, ew - I don't even think we'd reached our cruising altitude before I was scrunched up against the side of my seat)

Oh - and seemingly-human-expensive-headphones guy? Not much of a help, he divided his flight time between downing white Zinfandels and standing at the front of the plane, chatting up the flight attendant, the male flight attendant.

"We know that you have a choice when making your air travel plans and we thank you for choosing Southwest, you are now free to be creeped out by everyone else on the plane"

and just so you don't think we had a completely hedonistic weekend - here's my favorite picture I took this weekend -