Saturday, August 18, 2007

Dear Some Guy,

Hi, I don't think we've met, my name is Sinner G. I know, it might seem strange for me to be introducing myself in the middle of a roller derby bout, but seeing as you've spent a great deal of the bout at my team's bench, I thought it was only polite.

I've got to be honest, though, it is a bit weird to have you barking instructions and criticism at my team since, you know, we've never met before. I mean, I would think that someone so interested in coaching might, oh, I don't know, stop by a practice once in a while and maybe familiarize himself with the game.

You seem a little perturbed that we're not greeting your uninvited coaching with smiles and rainbows so I thought I'd clue you in on a couple things:

1) Contrary to what you might think, most women aren't orgasmically excited by strange men loudly criticizing them.

2) I don't really know if any of your coaching was valid as everything coming out of your mouth sounded to me like one of the teachers from "Peanuts".

3) WE ARE WELL AWARE THAT WE ARE LOSING

I guess that you think your $6 ticket entitles you to a stake in our league, but I hate to break it to you... it doesn't. If you would kindly shut the fuck up and return to your seat, that would be great, mmmkay?

hugs and kisses,

me

Labels: letter to