Saturday, April 10, 2010

Here's yet another way that I'm like Goldilocks

(in addition, of course, to the penchant for porridge and the nasty habit of breaking into the homes of woodland animals who have scary teeth and huge claws)

I need shit to be just right.

For example -

The quickest way to drive me completely and totally insane is to ignore me. I. Can't. Stand. It. It leaves my mind to its own crazy devices and I will overthink and dissect the hell out of that like a high school biology teacher on a Red Bull bender. Really. If I ever wrong you in some mortifying way, the quickest way to get me to apologize (which I hardly ever do) is to ignore me.

Interestingly enough, the second quickest way to drive me complete and totally insane is to pay too much attention to me. Like, an endless buffet of emails and texts and facebook shit. I'm not talking about when we're engaged in an ongoing dialogue, that's great, I will stay up to all hours of the night with trading witty banter with you like a vintage set of Garbage Pail Kid cards. I'm talking about texting me 752 times over the course of a week, after I haven't replied to a single one. I'm talking about emailing me 39 times OVER THE COURSE OF AN HOUR. I'm talking about 933 invitations to facebook groups or farms or quizzes. Pro-tip: I'm on the computer all the freaking time, if I haven't replied to you in a timely manner, chances are I'm either busy (probably not), not at the computer (yes, sometimes I do have to leave the house), or I don't have anything to say to you. Take a fucking hint. Also, I only maintain a facebook account so that I can passively keep in touch with people, I'm not joining your group, signing up for your cause, desperate to know if you and I are the same member of the Rolling Stones, or helping you build a virtual fucking farm.