Monday, February 27, 2006

Dear Jon Stewart;

I adore the heck out of you, I really do, you're terribly smart, funny, and cute. You make me laugh and you keep me abreast of current events and for that, I will be forever in your debt, but we need to talk.

Um... "Doogle"?

I felt confident going to see it because you were in it and you're you and you've never misled me before (I even enjoyed that movie you made with the chick from "The X Files"), but... well, I don't know how to say this, but... well... um... IT WAS THE WORST FUCKING MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN. Whew, there, I said it. I'm not even kidding, it was the first time I've ever walked out of a movie theater. Walked out! Of a movie theater! Do you have any idea how much it costs to go to movies?

Admittedly, I'm not the demographic that you're shooting for, but it was my 7 year old son whose idea it was to walk out.

Jon, help me understand. Please. The script was horrid - was there even a plot? The animation was mediocre at best. The characters were ugly... UGLY - they're in a kid's movie, they're supposed to be cute, painfully cute (and, hello, your character? You were a half-wizard/half-spring - half-fucking-spring? What the hell?). There was nothing redeeming about it.

What happened? Did you lose a bet? Is someone blackmailing you? And if you actually did this by choice, what's next? Are you going to be on "The Surreal Life", "Skating with Celebrities" or "Pimp my Ride"? Where does it end, Jon? Where does it end?

Please get in touch with your agent IMMEDIATELY to make sure nothing like this happens EVER EVER AGAIN.



EDIT: It has recently been brought to my attention that "Doogle" is actually spelled "Doogal"... GAH, even the spelling is lame


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