Thursday, November 26, 2009

giving thanks

I know a lot of people are taking to Twitter, Facebook and various other social networking places to publicly announce the crap for which they are thankful today - Personally, I think it's kind of lame to be expected to take one day out the year to be thankful for what you've got - why not recognize the good shit every day... or at least on a quarterly basis - I try to have truth binges every couple months and make inappropriately emotional statements* to unsuspecting people in my life, I think it's a little more genuine than dressing up to say Grace around the dinner table.

So I present to you a list of things for which I am resolutely not thankful (in no particular order):

• the stupid springform pan that wasn't completely assembled and decided to fall apart as I was taking the perfect lemon cheesecake out of the oven, thus causing the perfect lemon cheesecake to splatter all the fuck over the door of the oven
• the fact that I couldn't find anything smaller than an 18lb turkey - it's practically a damn ostrich and is going to take all freaking day to cook
• the 90 kajillion OMG-SHOP-WITH-US-TOMORROW emails I've gotten - seriously, it's all that's been in my freaking inbox all day
• the 4 or 5 people in my life who are acting like complete fuckwits
• the stupid holidays, for which I have zero motivation and even less money
  
• the doctor who, when I complained of flu symptoms and excruciating back pain, decided to sign me up for a sleep study and increase my prozac
• the fact that I can never ever find nail clippers - seriously, I have like 400 of them, but I can never find any
• that I seem like nothing but 32 flavors of emo lately
  

*inappropriately emotional statements for me, of course, being something along the lines of "I'm glad we're friends" or "I kind of miss you" or "I like feeling like an occasional table in the weird foyer of your existence"