Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Normally, I don't watch awards shows, it depresses me to watch grossly rich and famous people who make more money in five minutes than I do in a year have a big old circle jerk pat themselves on the back for three hours, but tonight, Fox preempted "Bones" and "House" to show the Billboard Music Awards so I was stuck.

Couple of observations:

1) How Toby Keith is able to sing some twang-ass song about being a "common man" (or something, I wasn't really paying attention) while wearing a shirt made of black leather and mesh without even the tiniest hint of irony is astounding.

2) When did the knee-length leggings with or without a short skirt come into style... I mean, other than 1983

3) Ashlee Simpson can have all the reggae beats that she wants and be surrounded by 15 young black rappers, but she still manages to remain completely devoid of street cred.

4) Ringtone of the Year is an award? Shut. Thefuck. Up.

5) I. Don't. Like. Mariah. Carey. And I'm not even talking about her craptacular music, I just don't like anything about her, she's got her boobs all in my face, can't seem to wear a skirt long enough to not make me feel like I'm performing a gynecological exam on her, wears dresses so tight she can barely walk and just seems like that low-self-esteemed slutty girl who would unapologetically hit on your boyfriend and then act like she didn't realize she was grinding her butt into his crotch. She's just got that desperate please-like-me vibe about her that makes me want to claw my her eyes out with a spork.