Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I hate cockroaches

I'm sure I'm not in the minority when I say that I hate cockroaches. You'd probably be hard-pressed to find someone to come out in support of cockroaches, someone who was pro-roach*, but I really, really hate them.

More than that, I'm scared of them.

I'm so scared of them that I can't even squish them. (I have to stand 10 feet back and hope that the bug spray will reach it)

More than that, I can't even pick up a dead one.

Why?

I'm significantly bigger than most cockroaches (although, with some down here in the South, it might be iffy) and I have opposable thumbs. It's pretty hard to trump opposable thumbs (Take that, dolphins, with your giant brains, you'll never rule the world because you don't have any fingers, let alone thumbs).

But the fact remains that roaches scare the crap out of me. To illustrate my point - tonight, when letting my dogs back in the house, I saw a cockroach outside on the porch. I rushed the dogs inside, slammed the door shut, then locked the door AND the deadbolt... because the cockroach was going to be able to pick the doorknob, but would be stymied by the deadbolt?

Regardless of how many locks are between the cockroach and I, I'm still going to spend the rest of the evening curled up in a little ball on the couch, making myself as small as possible and being totally creeped out in fear that the bug is going to find its way into the house and... and what? What the hell is it going to do to me? For realz.


And, while we're on the topic of creepy crawly things - am I the only one who thinks that Nicholas Cage hasn't done anything decent since "Valley Girl"? And every time I see him, he looks more and more like that burnout guy who drives a Camaro and deejays at the roller rink. All he needs is the moustache.





*but, lord knows, with the interweb, there's probably a livejournal community for it.)