Tuesday, December 07, 2004

most of the part of my family that I like live out of state.

The time that this sucks the most is at the holidays. no, i'm not being sappy and saying that i want to spend the holidays with them, i'm saying that it sucks to have to ship packages at christmastime (should that be one word, or two?).

Yesterday, i'm in one of the main circles of hell... oops, I meant the UPS store and i'm behind about 47 old people (because those are the only other people out in the middle of a weekday) all carrying one small, unwrapped, untaped package.

Twenty minutes later, when the line has moved approximately 3 feet, a woman storms into the store carrying three big bags of gift wrapped packages. One man looks over at her bags and she announces, LOUDLY "THOSE ARE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS."

Yeah, lady, we had all surmised that out from the festive wrapping paper visible through the clear bags.

When no one says anything, she continues, "THOSE ARE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR ORPHANS."

wow, i guess the sun will come out tomorrow, I thought.

She, apparently, hasn't gotten the reaction yet that she was looking for so she tries again, "THOSE ARE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR ORPHANS IN MADAGASGAR."

"FOR ORPHANS," she repeats. "IN MADAGASGAR. They don't have parents, you know?"

Yeah, lady, we're all familiar with the concept of orphans, we've all seen "Annie".

Now that she has successfully gained our attention, she repeats this again. Several more times. To anyone who will listen.

Had it not been my turn up at the counter, I might have turned around and asked if she wanted a gold star for the day or something. Really, lady, have it printed on a bumper sticker or something.

I'm not trying to downplay the fact that she was using her husband's money for the betterment of mankind... or orphan-kind, as it were, good for her. And I respect and admire people who do charity work, I think it's great. Once Powerball comes through for me and I can make a smidge more than the minimum monthly payments on my credit cards, I totally plan to help out all I can, really, I do. But I believe that there are better reasons to do charity than the tax breaks; I think you should do it because you genuinely want to help those less fortunate than you, I think you should do it because you feel something for it inside - I DO NOT believe that you should do it just to say that you've done it. Nor do I believe that you should do it strictly to impress people at the UPS store before you hop back into your Eddie Bauer edition Ford Expedition and head to another botox appointment.

Oh, and before you say another fucking word about parentless children in Mada-fucking-gascar, you should try to keep an eye on your own child. (Seriously, her kid was doing laps around the counter in his stylish Gap Kids denim jacket, I think some of the old people were getting dizzy.)