Friday, December 03, 2004

this i promise you

(crap, did i just title this post after an n*sync song? crap, did i just admit that?)

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you a forwarded email about a missing child or poor families in the applachian mountains

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you a picture of a smiling monkey or anything else so cutesy and cloying that it will cause a diabetic coma

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you a life affirming, girly poem about the strength of a woman

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you any jokes pertaining to blondes, priests or parrots

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you any emails requesting that you go to a website and click somewhere so that some major company will provide food to undernourished ostriches or shampoo to unclean horses

i promise you that i will never EVER forward you any warnings about antiperspirant, gel candles or pop rocks* (*unless it is so poorly written that i know it will make you laugh until mountain dew, fresca, mello yello or shasta comes out your nose)

i promise you that i will never EVER EVER EVER forward you a chain email promising wealth, riches and dreams come true if you forward it to 47 fabulous women within the next 3 seconds, and threatens pestilence, death and/or chronic halitosis if you fail to do this

in fact, i promise you that i will never ever forward you anything that has been forwarded to me unless it will make you laugh until mountain dew, fresca, mello yello, or shasta comes out your nose

you have my word on it

posted by Veruca Salt at 7:47 AM |

10 comment(s):

  • I give at least one good eye roll a day at some idiotic forward I receive from friends/family.

    Seriously?! Seriously who is going to read the petition with 500 names on it for your cause against preventing halitosis in small land mammals? It got deleted okay?! I stopped the chain, o my God!!! And Bill Gates isn't sending you any money! Got that? hehe

    By Blogger nique, at 8:31 AM  

  • I feel soooo guilty whenever I break a chain...but I don't know that I've EVER sent those chain letters on.... okay...once or twice, but I didn't mean to. Okay, I did, but I didn't enjoy it. Or, maybe I did. Ugh...I feel so confused.

    By Blogger Jootastic, at 9:36 AM  

  • Ha and Ha - you knew that was an N'Sync song! You love N'sync. You want to have their babies.

    By Blogger Phillip, at 10:37 AM  

  • i DO not... i mean, just justin, but really that was before he cut his hair because i wanted cute little afro babies... crap, did i just admit THAT?

    By Blogger Veruca Salt, at 10:42 AM  

  • i mean, just justin, but really that was before he cut his hair because i wanted cute little afro babiesUmmm, Cate? Justin has the afro gene whether he has long or short hair. The chromosomes don't know if he has a 'fro or if he has buzzed. You'd have 'cute little afro babies' regardless of Justin's hair length. Unless, of course, he permed his hair, in which case you'd have to perm your baby's hair, in which case, you wouldn't have to have Justin's babies, as you can perm any kid's hair.

    By Blogger Paul, at 3:19 PM  

  • paul, while i understand that you're a genetecist and all, and this may come as a shock to you, but i'm not a complete moron - i was being ironic... do they have irony in canada? maybe it's spelled differently up there, like with an extraneous u or something, eh?

    By Blogger Veruca Salt, at 7:24 PM  

  • Yikes, don't think my last comment came across how I intended. Didn't mean to offend you.

    By Blogger Paul, at 9:24 PM  

  • no, no, no the BEST is Cate ended by saying "eh"? hahaha

    she's just giving you a good rib jabbin. oooh say that three times fast, rib jabbin, rib jabbin, rib jabbin. fine i'll stop.

    By Blogger nique, at 5:24 AM  

  • rib-jabbin, rib jabbin, rib jabbin, rib jabbin - okay, that's our new phrase - "woo-hoo, we had a rib jabbin good time" and "oooo-weee, he is funny, and i mean rib jabbin funny" - i'm seeing t-shirts, mugs... damn, we'd better copyright it immediately before donald trump hears about this and steals it...

    By Blogger Veruca Salt, at 6:16 AM  

  • Unfortunately Cate, I believe we are too late. It is most likely someone in West Virginia has already taken this phrase and all its glory to their annual home town honky tonk and reaped its reward.

    By Blogger nique, at 6:28 AM  

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