Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Just like Christmas - except not at all

This weekend our Easter pilgrimage to my mom's house netted my family the following treasures:

2 foam pumpkins with funny faces
1 polaroid camera from about 1979
1 thing of illegal fireworks
1 chessboard that my dad made about 25 years ago (no chess pieces, those were sent to my brother - I only took the chess board because my mom was going to throw it out otherwise, but she claimed to be happy that it's "staying in the family")
1 strawberry/kiwi candle that smells like fruity ass
1 hideously ugly metal flowered candle holder
2 half empty boxes of pop tarts
1 half empty box of Wheatena (huh?)
1 half empty box of uncooked pasta
1 half empty container of carmel (car-uh-mel) apple dip
1 half empty container of garlic dip
1 mostly empty jar of fudge
1 5 pound bag of dried fruit
1 expired-two-years-ago bottle of cilantro salad dressing
1 ancient crock pot large enough in which to roast an ostrich
12 completely undercooked and cracked eggs that we had to color and hide ourselves
2 mild cases of food poisoning (must have been that potato salad with fermented mayo dressing - note to self - next time, if I have the feeling that the potato salad has been sitting out all day, err on the side of caution)

oh - and let's not forget what she gave my son for Easter -

a set of markers specifically designed for coloring on the windows (thanks)
a set of pink easter bunny cookie cutters (yeah, pink)

What I did not get (in spite of copious hints):

her barbecue (that she's leaving behind at the house anyway)
the painting that I covet that doesn't go with anything of hers
the extra convection oven that she's had sitting in her garage for 2 years (yeah, extra convection oven - it was misdelivered and the store just let her keep it - she decided to hold onto it just in case they want to set it up in the basement of her new house)

What she offered to sell me (yeah, sell):

this awful black table with 2 matching chairs - maybe if I was decorating my house like a Duran Duran video in 1987 I would have considered it, but... no

posted by Veruca Salt at 7:01 AM |