Friday, September 30, 2005

pet peeve o' the day

here's a couple story telling guidelines:

1) have a point - if you're going to ramble on and on in every direction, try to work your way towards a destination

2) try to cut out the completely fucking useless mostly nonessential details - you don't need to don't tell the story in actual time (meaning, if you're telling me about what happened last night between 7 and 8PM, don't make the story last the entire hour)

here's an example of what happens when these guidelines aren't followed

bitter smoker chick: "so, it all started last Friday..."

me: (thinking: "started??? oh crap, this is going to be long - thank gosh I have the newspaper here.")

bitter smoker chick: "I picked up the phone and called him and then he said he was gonna call me back and then I hung up the phone..."

me: (thinking: "oooh, look at this ad, leafblowers are on sale at Sears for $20... Do I need a leafblower? I've never had a leafblower before...")

bitter smoker chick: "and then my phone rang and I picked it up and said 'hello'..."

me: (thinking: "did I unplug my curling iron this morning? I wonder if I should put streaks in my hair? This color is so dark, I feel like Joan Jett... Omigosh, they have American Idol perfume at Big Lots, I wonder if it smells good... ew, it's $1.99, probably not..."

bitter smoker chick: "And then he said 'hey, whatchu doin'?' and then I said 'Nothin', whatchu doin'?'..."

me: (thinking: "cool, bone-in chicken breasts are on sale, I could really go for some yummy barbecue chicken... THAT would be good, with corn on the cob and mashed potatoes...")

bitter smoker chick: "And then he says 'well, whatchu doin', Girl' and then I say..."

me: (thinking: "I wonder if she would notice if I left and went to go get breakfast? I could totally go for some of those gross McDonalds hashbrowns and I'd probably be back before the story reaches a climax* of any type")



* tee hee, I typed "climax"**

** remember that band in the 80s Klymaxx? They had that song "I've got a meeting in the ladies room"