Tuesday, September 27, 2005

brusha brusha brusha

So, I'm in some generic drugstore* this weekend buying the random girly stuff like concealer for the luggage under my eyes, lipgloss that is supposed to make my lips look bigger**, hairdye*** and nailpolish and I remember that I need a new toothbrush, so I mosey on over to the tooth care aisle and I am not kidding when I say that I stood in awe of the selection for a good five minutes - why are toothbrushes so advanced now?


Ergonomic handle? Come on now, how many carpal tunnel injuries have we seen from chronic toothbrushers?
Rubber grip for better control? If holding onto your toothbrush is that big of a problem, perhaps you've got some other issues to work on first
Gum Massagers? Are my gums looking tired and tense? Do I need to send them to a spa?
Telescoping neck to reach into the back? How lazy are you that you need this? It's your mouth, not a cavern

Not to mention that with all of these advances, they're too big to fit into the little holes of my toothbrush holder. How much more can these companies fit into toothbrushes? Is the first mp3 playing iBrush too far in the future? Can Motorola figure out how to add an ear piece so I can call someone while my mouth is full of minty froth? See, I'm one of those weird people who doesn't need every device in my home to be a multi-tasker - the iPod is the iPod, the blender is the blender, the sex toys... nevermind, you get where I'm going


*do they still call them drugstores? Doesn't that seem politically incorrect or something? I mean, I can't tell you the last time I actually bought drugs in a drug store - I buy my mascara in the drugstore and usually have to go out back behind the dumpster to get the drugs

** it really just tingles in a most disconcerting way - the model for the lip gloss is Kate Moss, I wonder if cocaine is the secret ingredient... hmmm, I did buy it at the drugstore

*** Note: Nice & Easy should really consider changing the name of "Darkest Natural Brown" to "Darkest Black That Should Only Be Worn by Elvira and 16 Year Old Goth Chicks"