Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Savannah Mafia, at your service

At least a couple of times a week, Barry* the Detail Man ambles into my office - since my desk is right by the door, I always see Barry first. He's an affable grizzly bear of a guy who wears Hawaiian shirts and a worn-out bucket hat and has a booming laugh - I think Barry is a fun guy, he always makes me laugh, but it's obvious that he's a little on the shady side.

Every time he comes in, he insists on asking everyone in the building if he or she needs his or her car detailed - normally, no one does, but ocassionally, someone will bite and say that he or she just needs a wash and wax - somehow, Barry always talks them into the full $75 (or however much you have on you) detailing - I have managed to avoid this because 1) my car is a 1990, it's not going to shine a whole lot more than it already does and 2) If I had a spare $75 laying around, I'd put a downpayment on a new tattoo.

Yesterday, though, Barry decided to change up our routine a little bit - after the usual pleasantries about the detail jobs, he looks over at my computer.

Barry: What is that, a Dell?

Me: No, it's a Compaq

Barry: You need another one?

Me: Nope, only have 2 hands, another one won't do me any good.

Barry: What about for home? You need a laptop?

Me: What kind?

Barry: What kind you want?

Me: I use a Mac at home

Barry: Whatchu need? I get it for you. When you need it?

Me: Is it new?

Barry: Brand new, in the box, when you need it?

Me: How much?

Barry: When you need it? Today? Tomorrow?

Me: How much?

Barry: When you need it, you gotta tell me so I can put in the order

Me: Where do you put in the order? Circuit City? Best Buy?

Barry (after almost falling on the floor laughing) : $300, they go for $3700 in the stores.

Me: That's quite the discount, gosh, Barry, how do you get them so cheap?

Barry: You need a plasma tv?

Me: How much?

Barry: What size? 60 inch? When you need it? You need it, I'll get it. What about the accountant lady, does she need a computer?

Me (yelling to the office behind me - that's our intercom system): Hey, [accountant lady] do you need a home computer which I'm sure was legally obtained and not stolen or anything?

Barry (leaning over my desk towards me): Seriously, when you want the laptop, today, tomorrow? You gotta tell me so I can put in the order.

So, if anybody needs any new electronics, just let me know and I'll put in the order *wink wink, nudge nudge* Remember, Christmas is coming up and nothing says love like a laptop that fell off of a truck was obtained at a great discount and now those savings are being passed along to you.

*name changed to protect the not-so innocent guy who's just trying to make a living for his 6 daughters**

** yeah, I know it's probably a lie