Monday, October 03, 2005

Dear State of Georgia -

I'd like to speak to you about your wildlife - it needs to back the fuck off, okay?

Specifically -

• the gigantic fucking flying cockroaches
• the squirrels, who bombard me with half eaten pecans from the giant pecan tree in the back every time I step into the backyard*
• the caterpillars who ate my whole basil plant **
• the tiny baby toads who try to sneak into the house every night when I open the door to let the dogs out***
• the large, angry ants who attach my toes when I walk across my lawn
• the gigantic fucking house spiders who appear out of nowhere only to disappear before I can find a shoe large enough to squash them
• the mosquitos who attack me and suck my blood, leaving a giant red welt on my alabaster skin

Yeah, yeah, I know - the wildlife was here first, but, you know what? But until they help pay the mortgage, they need to leave me alone, mmmkay?

Thanks,

C-8


* slightly tolerable only because they are cute and fuzzy

** slightly tolerable because they turn into buterflies

*** slightly tolerable because they're cute and look bite-sized

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