Monday, October 24, 2005

I'm so fucking tired

I was going to recap the whole weekend, but... how boring would that be? I did take notes, though, so here are my scribbled notes and, if I can remember, the meanings

"luggage, or lack thereof" - Maybe it's just because I don't travel much, but the idea of a big set of matching luggage has never crossed my mind - in my house, there are a total of 2 suitcases (one of which is my son's rolling Bugs Bunny suitcase and the other of which is some small-ish, hideous naugahyde relic from the 70s) if we need more room when travelling, we pack up any backpacks or plastic grocery bags - we look homeless when we travel.

"fog makes it look like there's a ceiling on the world" - shut up - it was 6AM and there was all this fog, but it was about 30 feet off of the ground and in the street lights, it looked almost like that ceiling at Caesar's Palace in the underground shopping thing

"wine grapes taste gross" - this place where the wedding was has a vineyard and there were some old grapes on the vines and... just ew

"my underwire is threatening to puncture my lung" - halfway through the bridal lunch, the underwire in my bra made a break for freedom - and it hurt like hell - and I was stuck wearing my slutty "my-cups-runneth-over" bra for the rest of the weekend.

"Future (at the time) sister in law is a smoker - ew" - fairly self explanatory, but I just didn't know. She and ALL her sorority friends smoked.

"no cell reception and bugs abound" - again, self explanatory.

"Dish Network - ALL ESPANOL except Disney Channel and Animal Planet" - Who knew that you could get 47 Spanish channels in the mountains of Georgia?

"Mosquito bites on my back from where my jeans and shirt meet" - self explanatory.

"Poem about bar slut read at the wedding - CLASS-AY" - one of the bride's friends read a Maya Angelou poem about someone who picks up skanks at bars, but has finally met a nice girl... um... okay

"Rob Thomas AND Prince at the wedding" - One of the bridesmaid's husbands was named Rob Thomas (did you ever notice how people who have the same name as a famous person always introduce themself by the full name?) and the only black guy there was named Prince.

"White people can't dance" - This was at the reception, seriously, over a hundred white people trying to go to Funky Town, they all took a right at No Rhythym Lane and ended up at the White Guy Dance Drive - nowhere near Funky Town

"Irish People are short and jolly" - 16 or so of the bride's relatives flew in from Ireland and they were all happy... and about 5'4"

"Yay for digital cameras, you can throw away the ugly pics" - self explanatory

"Really yummy food" - please note, if you ever really want me to go somewhere, the promise of really good food is a great motivator

"My ass is cold" - seriously, for about two hours after I left the reception and was in my room, my ass was still frozen. No idea why I felt the need to note that, though

"Makeup remover towelettes about as effective as cold roast beef for removing makeup" - My sister was jealous that our cabin had moist makeup remover towelettes, but the joke was on me, because they really sucked

that was all my notes from the weekend, I probably would have made some more notes, but my husband, Drunky McHangover was... unable to do the driving on the way back, so I got stuck with that. I've got some pictures to post eventually, and I'll leave you with a couple of quotes from my insane mother:

1) Explaining to my stepmom about how course my brother's hair is: "Have you ever felt a black person's hair? It's just like that." It should be noted that my brother's hair is just thick and dark red, not an afro.

2) After I asked her if her flight back was a direct one: "Yes, it's direct. Oh, except for an hour long layover in Phoenix"