Scroungy guy filling out a job application who is most likely stuck on the 'Have you ever been convicted of a felony?' question: "Do you believe that honesty is the best policy?"

Me: "Unless I'm asking my husband if my butt looks big in my jeans"


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One of our construction guys wanders into my office this morning and looks perplexed by the broom leaning against the wall across from my desk. Before I can make a crack about his wife's housekeeping skills and how he'd probably never seen one of those before, he says "They're lettin' you park your vehicle inside now?"

Thank you, we'll be here all week, tip your waitress.