Thursday, January 19, 2006

Have I ever mentioned before how much I like getting mail?

I'm sure I have, I'm just too lazy to go back and find the posts and link to them.

Yesterday, when I got home from work, there was a little brown envelope waiting for me on the cluttered kitchen counter.

Because the envelope was handwritten (in lovely script, by the way) I knew that it wasn't just another offer for Cosmopolitan or a chance to lower my credit card balances, so I did the happy-I-got-mail dance for a couple of minutes and then ripped open the envelope.

Inside, I found that I was one of the lucky recipients of the World Famous Lulu's MLK Day Letter.

What a cute little letter, I though*. That Lulu is so funny...

But wait, there's more! The envelope also contained a postcard with 9 lovely pictures on it that she took!

What a lovely postcard, I thought. That Lulu is so talented.

But wait, there's more! The envelope also contained a cd.

A cd? I thought. She took the time to burn a cd** for me? That Lulu is so sweet!

But wait, there's more! The envelope also contained a little envelope with a "Confidential" sticker on it.

Confidential? I thought. That Lulu sure is secret agent-esque, I feel so important. I ripped open the little envelope and found a Handy-wipe.

How handy, I thought. That Lulu sure is conscientious.

Then as I popped the cd into a cd player and stood gazing upon the postcard and wiping my hands with the Handi-wipe, I couldn't help but think how great Lulu is: funny, talented, sweet, super-agent-esque, conscientious... and, of course, she's got a great rack... Then I thought some more about it and I realized that even though she's such a great girl, I have to break up with her - no, not just because everyone else is posting break up letters to her (but I think I'm the first girl to do it) but because... well, okay, maybe it is because everyone else is doing it and I'm a lemming and don't want to be the only person who hasn't broken up with her.

So, Lulu, thanks eversomuch for the letter and the postcard and the cd and the Handi-wipe, they're super great, as are you, but I just don't think it's going to work out. I would have done it earlier, but I wanted to get the MLK Day letter... yeah, I'm shallow like that, deal with it. Sorry it didn't work out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And anyone else who's thinking about sending me mail, please note that my birthday is February 12th and that's a Sunday, so send those cards and presents out early***


* I always think in italics

** And I won't even mention that she put a Dwight Yoakam song on there because she followed it with a Mike Ness song and Mike Ness is pretty much it - the cd could have been a mixture of Mariah Carey and the Pussycat Dolls with one Mike Ness song and I still would have been all "squeeee"

***totally kidding... you can send them early, or late, it doesn't really matter****

***kidding again, you should really send them early