Friday, October 20, 2006

Do you ever wonder what you'll be like as an old person?

Are you going to be the high-waisted-polyester-pants-and-sensible-velcro-shoes type of old person with the little rubber coin purse and coupons for Fancy Feast?

Are you going to be the beehive-suntan-pantyhose-and-Keds type of sinewy old lady playing tennis on Thursdays and flashing your horsey dentures at the old men playing chess?

Are you going to be the threadbare-housedress-and-curlers-at-noon type of old lady peeking through your windows and keeping tabs on your neighbors?

Are you going to be the tight-pants-and-gold-sweater type of Goldie Hawn/Cher nipped/tucked senior citizen, flirting with the bagger at the grocery store while you lacquer your puckered lips with trashy coral pink lipstick?

Are you going to be the blue-windbreaker-and-a-plastic-visor type of oldster who lives for bingo, bake sales and that yearly trip to Laughlin?


Me, personally, I want to be the feather-boas-and-off-kilter-wigs-drunk-by-noon type of grandma who tells inappropriate anecdotes at family gatherings and spends the kids' inheritance on trips to Nepal.

posted by Veruca Salt at 6:16 AM |

7 comment(s):

  • Absolutely awesome plan - I haven't thought about this much - but yeah, when I'm elderly, I hope to be spirited enough to commit victimless crimes with some regularity - you know, just to keep things lively.

    By Blogger Mark, at 6:49 AM  

  • I will be the *crazy Poodle lady* hat the neighborhood kids whisper about on their way to school. i will yell profanities at my neighbors BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT, I will buy a Lark scooter and have someone put a turbo engine in it to run people over, and I will steal all the butter, jelly and cutlery at buffets. I can't wait!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:29 AM  

  • I want to be a cross between my two sets of grandparents- traveling, still totally crazy about each other.
    When Jay and I get married it will be my dad's parents 56th wedding anniversary.
    Jay will be the cute old man that all the neighborhood kids bring their broken toys to to get fixed and Ill probably always have cookies and a huge jar of peppermints- and our house will be full of STUFF- we arent even married yet and we already have too much stuff.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:33 AM  

  • I want to be like my Mother in Law. She's a 67 year old bartender who wears cute little outfits and shoes. She starts drinking at 6p.m., never getting sloshed at work but definitely on Monday's when she's off.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:31 AM  

  • I'm going to be the lady that yells at children when they even think about crossing the lawn

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:28 PM  

  • I'm clearly going to be the one who holds up the line at the grocery store because she decides after her order is totaled to pay with a check, and then has to find the checkbook, and then where is she shopping - is this Giant or Safeway?, and then what is the date?, and do you have a pen?

    Ugh.

    By Blogger kris, at 8:31 AM  

  • I'll just hang out with you... I already have the boa (if I can where "odd" hats in place of off-kilter wigs)and I'm already drunk by noon if I can get away with it...

    By Blogger Les Becker, at 3:23 PM  

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