Friday, February 16, 2007

Let's go to the movies...

can we talk about movie theater pet peeves for a second? Because I've got a couple -

1) Who the fuck are they hiring to run the concession stands? Dyslexic teenage sloths? There are less menu choices than a McDonalds* and yet, it still takes approximately forty-five minutes for them to get the fuckton of popcorn and trough of carbonation I've asked for with the small combo. And it's not like these kids are working in the mall, we're not buying food for a leisurely lunch, we're at the MOVIE THEATER to see a MOVIE... which has a specific START TIME... get a move on!!!!

2) Fucking portion size - everywhere you look, there's something about how obese Americans are and how we need to make healthier food choices... yet, it costs $7 for 8 ounces of water at the movie theater, and $1 for 98 ounces of sugary soda.

3) The fact that I eat most of the popcorn before the hour and a half of previews is over - why can't I wait?

4) Fucking people who talk through the WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE - you're not in your fucking living room, shut up... and p.s. we're all watching the same movie, we don't need the fucking running commentary "Oooh, he's in the water now... hey, that guy is dead now... yeah, he's just like 'whatever' now..."

5) The fact that every single movie based on a Marvel superhero is cheezier than Wisconsin - over-the-top acting, sappy dialogue, beat-me-over-the-head moral stories, oh-so-convenient endings - and, for some reason, Nicholas Cage is just not... superhero-y enough for me. He's a decent enough actor (although I still believe his best work was "Valley Girl"), he just doesn't have the superhero thing going.



* here in the country, that is - I'm sure those people in the big cities get fancy food like pizza and sushi