Thursday, June 28, 2007

Dear Ref at My Kid's Basketball Game;

I understand that you're probably a volunteer, and there is the old adage of getting what you pay for, but may I suggest that you familiarize yourself with the game for which you are officiating?

See the ball? All round and orangy?

See the court? All shiny with those colorful lines?

See the goals? All round with those cute little nets?

See the players? All 8 and 9 years-old and cute with their matching shirts, shiny shorts and complete absence of helmets and pads?

This is basketball.

See the blonde kid who had his his face on the floor? Yeah, he's mine.

Do you know why he had to be helped to the bench and spend half of the fourth quarter holding a bag of ice to his darling face? Because the other team's quarterback sacked him to get the ball away from him.

Do you know why this is a problem? Because this is BASKETBALL, there should not be quarterbacks sacking kids. They don't wear protective gear in basketball. Little craniums smacking against cement floors are bad.

For future reference, you should try to keep this in mind in case you see it happen again during a game so that you could, oh, I don't know, BLOW YOUR FUCKING WHISTLE AND CALL A FOUL.

Also, you might find it easier to ref if you removed your head from your ass before the games.

Thanks a bunch,

The-Mom-Who-Will-Totally-Come-Out-There-And-Hip-Check-You-AND-That-Little-Fucker-Who-Shoved-My-Kid-If-It-Happens-Again

Labels: adventures in shitty parenting, letter to