Tuesday, June 05, 2007

In case you were wondering, the rest of my weekend sucked, too

I got sick and still feel like ass and haven't left the house in 2 days.

I saw "Shrek 3" in a theater full of the loudest children on the planet (hey, parents, here's a tip - if little Zoe can't sit still and be quiet for 30 minutes to watch "The Wiggles", she's not ready for the movie theater, no matter how much your other four children under the age of 5 want to see the movie.) and one of the 900 times the obviously Mormon family next to us had to pee, someone kicked my purse and my cell phone fell out - this is, of course, suckworthy as I didn't notice until a couple of hours later when I got home. (I have it back now, and most of the gum residue has been scraped off)

A couple of weeks ago I decided to plant some vegetables and herbs - the relentless Texas sun killed the cilantro and withered the tomatoes, but the jalapeno plant (which was labeled as a bell pepper, thankyouverymuch) has flourished - finally one of the little peppers looked ready so I plucked it, excited to try my latest attempt at gardening - I sliced it up so we could all sample it only to find that, flavor-wise, it was pretty much the equivalent of molten magma and I can't imagine that I'm going to be using many of these in cooking. Great, the only thing I can grow - and grow LOTS of - and it could effectively be used to heat Alaska. So, my lips and tongue are burning and I reached up to wipe something out of my eye... BIG FUCKING MISTAKE because OMFG my eye was on fire - searing, searing pain stabbing into my eyeball... which made my nose run... and my first reaction to that was to pinch my nose... with the same hand with which I had infected my eye with jalapeno juice... then I inhaled really hard (because I'm sick) so now there's jalapeno hell all over the entire left side of my face - the worst burning, stabbing pain you can imagine... for, like 2 hours.

So... if you want some jalapenos, let me know, because I have about 2 million (just wash your hands after you handle them, please - unless you're totally going for the pirate-chic look this summer because eyepatches are hawt!)