Monday, May 03, 2010

Anatomy of a phone call

Me (thinking): hey, I haven't talked to [someone] in a while, maybe I'll give him/her* a call.

Commence ten minute search for my phone which is usually at the bottom of my purse next to a lug wrench, a remote control for a tv I don't think I even have anymore and a couple furry cough drops.

Then I have to scroll through the Missed Calls on my phone, because adding someone to the contact list is such a task, amirite?

Finally locate the phone number and my finger hovers over the Send button. I calculate how much free time I've got to devote to the conversation and whether or not I really want to make the call...

Fuck it, I decide. I've come this far.

One ring.

Two rings.

Please let it go to voicemail.

Three rings.

Voicemail! Voicemail! Voicemail!

Four rings.

Voicemail clicks on.

Thank GOSH, voicemail!... Hey, wait, what the hell? It didn't go straight to voicemail... which means that the phone is on and I got sent to voicemail. Oh, great, [someone] just didn't want to talk to me... And I can't hang up, because he/she already knows I called. So now I have to leave a voicemail. Crap.

"Hey, [someone], haven't talked to you in a while, just wanted to call and say 'hi'... so... hi! Hope you had a good [recent event]... Shoot, I really hate leaving voicemails... I'm sure you're wondering why, since I'm soooooo good at them, right?... Um... I guess I didn't really... you know... have a whole lot else to say... Okay... Well, I guess... I'll talk to you later... or something... so... bye."

Cue phone being shut and tossed across the room.

*no, I don't know the gender of many of my friends, I'm not really into details


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