Friday, April 30, 2010

I had an epiphany today while I was making my (not really) world famous vanilla bean rice krispy treats.

I think I've figured out the secret of life.

Butter.

Yes, butter. Full fat, full salt.

If you think about it, it makes everything better -

Secret to perfect red sauce? A little bit of butter.

Secret to a perfect grilled cheese sandwich? Butter.

Secret to perfect cookies? Melted and/or browned butter.

Secret to perfect oatmeal? A little pat of butter.

Secret to perfect fried eggs? Melted butter.


Think about the most amazing meal you've ever had, the meal that you felt all the way down to your toes - it probably had butter in it, right?

Sure, all of this stuff is food related, but without food you'd die, so the secret of life wouldn't matter anymore.

But isn't butter unhealthy? It has fat in it, but fat helps with the metabolism of vitamins. Now compare the ingredients of butter to margarine and tell me which one sounds healthier.

But what about vegans? Fuck vegans. I have zero interest in anyone who would voluntarily eat quinoa instead of a burger.

What about supermodels who live on diet cokes and cigarettes? Both of those items have way more chemicals than good old butter. And have you ever met one of those constantly-dieting people who wouldn't have been happier after a velvety smear of butter on a lightly toasted bagel?

What about people with high cholesterol? I mentioned oatmeal earlier, didn't I?

What about people who are lactose-intolerant? I'm sporadically lactose intolerant, but I don't let it stop me - don't be a pussy, put down the Country Crock and suck it up.

So there it is. You're welcome.

Labels: suzy fucking homemaker