Monday, March 14, 2005

Insane in the membrane

Insane in the brain

I heard somewhere that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result

About every three to four months I find this burgundy shirt in my closet and say to myself "self," because that's what I call myself when I talk to me. "why don't I wear this more often? It's got a soft suede-y fabric and I think the color looks good on me. I seem to remember something about it being a little show-off-y, but I'm sure it's not half as bad as I remember."

So I put it on and switch all my stuff to a matching purse and head out the door

Before I even get to work, I am reminded why I never wear this shirt.

See, it's got this drawstring keyhole opening in the front - actually, at home, in front of the mirror, it looks like a keyhole opening, it's like a little peek, not indecent or anything - but the second I step out of the house, it turns into a cubbyhole opening - seriously, when I look down, all I see is this milky white expanse of my chest - and it's not like I'm stacked or anything, but every time I wear this shirt, I feel like I'm wearing a neon sign that says "hey, look at my chest" - maybe I could sell ad space on eBay.

In all fairness, it's probably a little exaggerated for me because I'm looking down into the boobage all day (and I do mean, all day - you know it's bad when you get distracted by your own tatas) and since I'm taller than most everyone at work, no one else has the same vantage point, but god forbid I lean over or talk to anyone who comes a'calling at my cubicle.

Maybe I should print out this post and tape it to the hanger this shirt will hang on so that I save the milkbags the exposure in another 4 months

posted by Veruca Salt at 9:17 AM |

4 comment(s):

  • I forget what stand-up comedian said it, but he made a fantastic point of how if a guy goes to a strip club, he'll see several pairs of boobs all night long. But if he gets a drink and the waitress bands down far enough that he sees her nipple, that is the best nipple you've seen all night. Because it's the one you weren't supposed to see.

    You're doing the world a favor by wearing that shirt. And an injustice if you don't post pictures. ;)

    And I should really post instead of just writing comments.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:37 PM  

  • I have to agree with everyone who retained their train of thought long enough to post a comment: Sometimes the milk bags need to be free, or at least get to see what's happening outside shirt-land.

    Also, I'm a big fan of boobs, but the phrase "milk bags" isn't visually appetizing. It sounds like it might be how people buy milk at Costco. "The 40 gallon milk bags are a great deal, but my fridge simply isn't big enough."

    By Blogger Michael, at 6:23 PM  

  • The fridge is ALWAYS big enough for 40 gallon milk bags.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:16 PM  

  • Cate, no, I agree with you. Sometimes if I gain a little weight, a shirt of mine does this to me, too. What I do instead of ditching the shirt, tho, because I love it so much, is to match a bra to the color of the shirt. OR if it's not too obvious, use a safety pin.

    LOL! I thought the milk bags comments was referencing the people you work with, like douche bags. LMAO!!! Hey, they're your titties - call them what you want. ;-)

    kumarihpx.blogspot.com

    By Blogger Maverick, at 9:02 AM  

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