Thursday, April 28, 2005

The doctor is in - that will be 5 cents, please

One of my favorite work friends is this Mormon guy who is eleven days younger than me, shares my love of utterly useless pop culture, and, like most guys, is completely clueless as to the inner workings of the female mind - he thinks that he's seriously screwed because he forgot his anniversary (his wife totally pulled the oldest trick in the chick book "I totally forgot that today was our anniversary, did you forget, too?" - and being the honest guy he is he says "Yeah, I did, too" - duh) and he can't find a babysitter and he thinks that all hope is lost - so he comes to me for advice... let's pause here for a moment and think about the logic of coming to me - the most screwed up person EVER - for relationship advice - that's like going to Ashton Kutcher to ask how to not be a total ass -

I tell him that he CAN'T go home empty handed - even if she says "You don't need to get me anything" (newsflash, boys, we NEVER mean that when we say it!) "Should I buy her a rose?" - yeah, stop off at the gas station and pick up one of those silk flowers on the way home - nothing says romance like faux flora - meh - So I tell him to get one flower for every year that they've been married, and at least some little trinket, necklace, bracelet, whatever - then I tell him to tell her not to start dinner because he doesn't know what time he'll be home from work - then he needs to stop for Chinese takeout and some candles and set up the dining room all nice and cute when he gets home (note to my husband who ocassionally reads this and who is probably freaking out about what to get me for our anniversary next month - sorry, you can't use this idea - you have to come up with something on your own - I'm just sayin'). I even offered to hide in the bushes outside their house with a stereo and a Barry White cd - because that's the kind of pal I am. I also told him that if there's a new little Mormon born 9 months from now they have to name it after me, even if it's a boy.

So it turned out to be a groovy night and his wife was surprised and happy* and all is well in their home and it's once again proven that my own life may as well be written in Sanskrit, I am capable of helping others - so if you need anything? Let me know.


* results may vary