Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Welcome to my nightmare*

so - last night, I'm out with the fam walking the canines and we usually go around our neighborhood and then through this alley that goes behind out neighborhood and about halfway through, I happen to look up and see something straight out of my nightmares - no, not Courtney Love with a blender, but THE BIGGEST FUCKING SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN THAT DOESN'T LIVE IN A ZOO - I know that I can sometimes** be prone to exaggerations, but this is no exaggeration, the spider was about the size of my hand - it's body alone was the size of my pinky finger - it's the kind of spider that, when you see it out in nature, lounging on it's web mere inches above your head, you have to say (even if your impressionable child is standing right there) "Holy fuck, look at the size of that fucking spider! Shit, that thing could eat a car!" and then you would just marvel at it for about five minutes. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be seeing this thing in my dreams for the next 78 years.

Of course, being the total geek that I am, I went home and researched it (on the iMac, the poor little iBook is still at the Mac doctor place while they tabulate the damage to it) and found it to be a Golden Silk Spider (or Banana Spider) - generally acknowledged to be the biggest non-tarantula spider in the world - neat. It's non-venomous, though, and won't bite people unless they "pinch or hurt it" (sidenote: who the fuck pinches a spider?) And they're really something that we want around because they eat mosquitos and cockroaches (yeah, cockroaches - you know it's a big fucking spider if it can eat a cockroach).

I don't know why I'm fine with lizards, frogs and snakes and stuff, but five pound spiders give me the chills (not in a good way)


here's a pic of one here - that picture is pretty much the actual size of the spider - don't click on the link if you get totally creeped out by gigantic fucking spiders with gross hairy legs.


*first (and last?) Alice Cooper song post title

** sometimes?