Monday, December 12, 2005

The moral of the story is - always check out the butt first.

I like shopping for clothes and I like purchasing clothes, but I don't like trying them on. Actually, it's not so much that I don't like trying on clothes, because I'll play pretty princess dress up all day long at home, I just don't like dressing rooms - either they're scary, germy and sticky at the lower end stores (where I usually shop) or those nosy salesgirls are always poking their weasely little heads in there asking if I'm "doing okay in there" (uh, yeah, I've been dressing myself for quite some time and I'm pretty sure I know how to put these pants on) in the nicer stores. Not to mention the fact that retail stores are miraculously able to find the least flattering lighting on the face of the planet.

So I usually do all I can to avoid trying on clothes, I mean, I know my size, I know what styles I like, I know what looks good on me, so I shop and I buy it (preferably on sale).

Yesterday, I was out doing some Christmas shopping and happened to veer into an area with women's jeans... on sale. And I happened to find a pair that were my size and long enough to accommodate my freakishly long legs (and that's hard to find on sale) so I tossed them on top of the pile of presents I was carrying and went about my shopping.

At home, I peeled off price tags and tucked away the presents, then ripped all the tags off of my new jeans, folded them up and put them on top of the dresser so I could wear them today.

This morning, I pull on a sweater and step into my new cheap jeans and am pleased to find that they fit perfectly, they hug where they're supposed to hug, have a little give where they're supposed to have a little give. I'm extremely happy with myself until I turn around to check out the rear view and am shocked and appaulled to see a sparkly line of rhinestones dancing across the back pockets.

Rhinestones?

Shiny, glittery rhinestones?

Across my ass?

How did I not notice rhinestones?

Across the butt?

Really, it's great because I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with some way to draw a little bit more attention to my ass and if these jeans hadn't happened, I was pretty much on the verge of hiring a monkey to walk around with a spotlight on it. Maybe next time, though, I'll look for jeans that have sparkly things on the ass AND play music.