Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Dear Cat #1,

I love your furry little cat face, but not when it's repeatedly butted against my forehead at 4AM. New house policy - I will accept no affection prior to 7:15 AM (and, really, you'd probably be smart to wait until after I've had at least one cup of coffee)


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Dear Cat #2,

While I appreciate that, unlike the dogs, you are comfortable pooping in a little box of sand, it's very convenient, I wonder what you're doing in there for a full twenty-five minutes at 6AM. Twenty-five minutes of scratching on the plastic bottom of the box. Twenty-five minutes! Seriously, how long does it take to cover up poop? Is there a zen rock garden in there that I'm not aware of? And if you're a Buddhist, I support that, but I'd support it even more if you could rearrange your schedule to do it sometime after I'm awake. Or move your cat box far far away from the master bedroom - like Cleveland.


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Dear Weirdly Soft-Spoken Friend of Bossman,

I don't need to hear the story of why the cheap ass cell phone plan you're on doesn't include directory assistance. I don't care. I don't work for you. You don't even work for this company. Stop calling me to ask me to look up phone numbers for you. FIND A FUCKING PHONE BOOK. And leave me alone - I've got a whole internet's worth of pr0n that's not going to look at itself.


Thanks, in advance, for your compliance,

C-8

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