Friday, July 21, 2006

I have no idea how people can stand being unemployed

Because there is seriously NOTHING on tv.

Nuh.
Thing.

TV disappoints me.

TV has been my friend since the beginning - from Saturday morning cartoons to being my latchkey kid babysitter to showing me the ideal high school environment on "Beverly Hills 90210" - but lately tv has been letting me down.

Seriously, what are my options during the day?

• Welfare tv with the likes of Jerry Springer and Maury "You. are. NOT. the. father." Povich? That's not even worth getting out of bed - there's only like two hours of it and then nothing but crap ass court shows - What happened to Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake? What happened to 7 hours of uninterrupted trash tv? The people whose lives made me feel better about myself? Now I'm stuck with an endless stream of people suing their ex-lovahs for custody of the cat and the Yugo. Where's the fun there?

• What about cable? Sure, I could watch the same reruns of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" fourteen times, but after the first three or four times, the jokes start to get old.

• What about the semi-premium channels? The 44 channels of Encore for every different genre of cinema? Yeah, what-thefuck-ever, if I see "The Notebook" one more time, I'll stick my head in the oven.

• And the premium-premium channels? Between 37 HBOs and 29 Showtimes, I get shit like "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" and "Revenge of the Nerds 3" And how much do I pay every month for that crap?
  

Oh, sure, I could go skate or do something else outside, but it's as gross-hot and humid as Satan's armpit after an hour on the elliptical here and if I'm outside for more than 2 minutes, my internal organs start to melt and my eyeballs prune up like raisins.

I could work on my writing, but I'm so ADD that I need sound in the background and we're back to the tv thing, and same for reading a book.

It's at the point where I would almost consider a career in retail just to have the human contact.



I said "almost"