Friday, December 22, 2006

Does anyone even like Christmas anymore?

I'm not even being sarcastic here - do you honestly know anyone who says that they really like Christmas? Do you even know anyone who doesn't swear that Christmas makes them homicidal?

I mean, if everyone hates Christmas and all of the crap that it carries with it, why do we still even celebrate it?

I mean, other than the presents and high-calorie treats.

It's all stupid stress from families, or buying presents or traveling or not-traveling or just dealing with the assholes shopping at Tar-zjay who think they own the aisles and don't have to get off of their cell phones or move their fucking carts out of the way even though other people are trying to shop.

Would it be possible to just call it off for next year? I don't mean the stuff with the presents and food, but all the stress - maybe we could all agree that we can have a few days off around December and exchange small gifts and have a nice dinner, then we can go on with our lives and not have to hear another Clay Aiken butchering of a holiday song.

If you'd like to get an early start for next year (or an extremely late start to this year), I have a couple of gift suggestions for you:

Anything from the Pee & Poo shop (you really have to take a look, I promise you'll thank me - maybe NSFW, but no one is paying attention anyway)

or a custom made crocheted vulva... yep, that's what I said - go to crochetmycrotch.com and order something for someone special... someone special who would appreciate a crocheted vagina (totally NSFW, but you know you're dying to look)

or you could just buy a gift card - because, in spite of the fact that this displays no imagination or personal thought, the commercials on the TEEvee make it look like anyone would love to receive one of those from a loved one. Especially if it's for cleaning supplies or hunting equipment.