Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Dear People in the Post Office,

I think we can all agree that no one likes being here, it's barely one step up from the DMV. I feel I should point out, though, that standing close enough to me so that I can feel your hot breath on the back of my neck won't make the line go any faster.

To me, personal space is like bacon - necessary for life and there's no such thing as too much of it. And I'm will gladly cut anyone who wants to infringe upon mine.

I'm wearing my favorite vanilla lotion today, so I'm sure I smell just scrumptious, but still I'd like to take this moment to invite you to back the fuck up. Especially if you're going to mumble to yourself during our whole wait. Because that shit just makes it even creepier.

Looking forward to having some distance,

me



sidenote: how the hell did I not have one single stamp in my house? How do I have to go all the way to the post office to mail one freaking birthday card?

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posted by Veruca Salt at 11:39 AM |

1 comment(s):

  • Ahhhh, it is always a pleasure to encounter someone whose aim can hit cleverly outrageous sarcasm in its delectable midsection without splashing all over into bitterness, meanness and vindictiveness.
    Perhaps, as with your homemade cheddar, piquant, sharp and with a bite.
    Thanks for posting. Bob

    By Blogger artquest1, at 7:41 AM  

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