Friday, May 21, 2010
I'm starting a new blogIt's going to be called "Stuff I Find On My Doorstep That Does Not Belong On My Doorstep"... or should it be "Stuff I Find On My Doorstep Which Does Not Belong On My Doorstep"?
in any case -
This week it's been 2 Jesus pamphlets, a millipede, a squished snail, a moth that looked like the Wright Brothers' airplane and this fucking hairy thing:
Other things that do not belong on my doorstep, for the record, include:
- unexpected visitors*
- big stupid leaves from the neighbor's stupid tree
- people selling revolutionary cleaning products
- people selling meat
- people selling religion
- little girls looking for The Kid at ridiculous hours of the morning
- bags of frozen meat
Things that do belong on my doorstep include, but are not limited to:
- Ryan Reynolds
- Ryan Reynolds shirtless
- giant bouquets of fresh flowers**
- large stuffed animals festooned with bows***
- anyone delivering a pony (or miniature horse) named Saffron
- the bunnies who live next door and are miraculously able to escape from anything holding them
* seriously, if you show up without calling first, I will cut you.
** no, not really - sort of cliche, don't you think? Sure, they're lovely to look at for a minute, but after that, it's all just upkeep and then the inevitable wilting
*** no, not really, what am I, 14?