Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm starting a new blog

It's going to be called "Stuff I Find On My Doorstep That Does Not Belong On My Doorstep"... or should it be "Stuff I Find On My Doorstep Which Does Not Belong On My Doorstep"?

in any case -

This week it's been 2 Jesus pamphlets, a millipede, a squished snail, a moth that looked like the Wright Brothers' airplane and this fucking hairy thing:

for reals, someone come shave that thing's legs.

Other things that do not belong on my doorstep, for the record, include:

  • unexpected visitors*
  • big stupid leaves from the neighbor's stupid tree
  • people selling revolutionary cleaning products
  • people selling meat
  • people selling religion
  • little girls looking for The Kid at ridiculous hours of the morning
  • bags of frozen meat

Things that do belong on my doorstep include, but are not limited to:

  • Ryan Reynolds
  • Ryan Reynolds shirtless
  • giant bouquets of fresh flowers**
  • large stuffed animals festooned with bows*** 
  • anyone delivering a pony (or miniature horse) named Saffron 
  • the bunnies who live next door and are miraculously able to escape from anything holding them

* seriously, if you show up without calling first, I will cut you.

** no, not really - sort of cliche, don't you think? Sure, they're lovely to look at for a minute, but after that, it's all just upkeep and then the inevitable wilting

*** no, not really, what am I, 14?

1 comment(s):

  • I think the kid would disagree with you on that subject.

    By Blogger Rafael, at 7:54 PM  

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