Friday, May 07, 2010

When you first meet someone, you look for what you've got in common, so you've got that foundation for whatever relationship you're going to have -

"OMG, you like cilantro???? Me, too!!!"
"You sleep with your feet sticking out from under the covers? Same here!"
"You got a tattoo the day you turned 18 just because you could? Ditto!"

Then, once you've established that you've got enough similarities with this person to sustain more than a couple of chats, you start looking for the differences, so you've got something else to talk about -

"You like Frankenberry? That's so weird, because Booberry is clearly the superior Monster Cereal."
"You watch 'Survivor'? I didn't think that show was still on! Or that anyone but my mom watched it!"
"You don't eat red meat? Are you even aware of how delicious it is?"

Then, once you've decided that their surface quirks might be kind of endearing and you might actually want a friend-lationship with this person, you turn out your pockets, give them a glimpse of your damage and look for the cracks in their hard candy coating.

Sometimes you find out their damage is supremely fucked up, like raised-by-wolves fucked up.

Sometimes you find out that their damage isn't so bad, like raised-by-Bradys not so bad.

And sometimes you find out that their damage aligns way too closely with yours, like matching-freckles-between-your-toes aligned. Whether it's nature or nurture or a fluke of genetics, somehow this person has ended up with the other half of your life's BFF necklace. And, at first, you think it might be a soul-mate-y kind of thing, like you've finally found that last puzzle piece between the couch cushions... but when that shock and awe wears off (after about ten minutes) you really, deep down in your soul, finally understand why other people would describe you as a pain in the ass.

And then if you make it through that whole gauntlet without wanting to push that person into an elevator shaft, you still have to worry about whether or not he or she likes you back.

Sometimes it seems like we could save so much time if it didn't look totally desperate were socially acceptable to pass notes
Do you think this is too much to add to my email signature?


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