Saturday, August 14, 2010

Dear Cat -

We've already established that I adore you a stupid amount - enough to put a harness and leash on you and patiently walk you around the backyard so you can spend time outside, enough to let you wake me up at 2 in the morning so you can get under the covers and curl up with me, enough to let you take a nap with me and rest your little face on mine, but I do need to address a couple things -

1) the bathroom - yes, I close the door when I go in there, but it's not because I'm doing anything interesting - I promise - so there is no need for you to sit outside the door and squall like you're being murdered or jump up and try to turn the knob (spoiler alert: you don't have opposable thumbs, it's never going to happen). It's a bathroom with only one door, not a portal to another dimension, I'll be out in a minute.

2) Mornings - I don't mind you curling up next to me in the morning, whether it's 2AM or 7AM, I think it's cute. What I do not think is cute, however, is when you climb on me and decide to clean yourself. When I'm in bed asleep, that is the time for sleep, not the time for chewing on your toes or licking your junk.

Thanks a heap,

the person who feeds you

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