Monday, December 27, 2010

Answer: This would look so much cuter with cowboy boots

Question: What is something I never thought I would say about an outfit of mine?

A couple months ago, I bought this super cute, super girly, and super cheap (because the store was closing) dress off of eBay and haven't yet had an opportunity to wear it. Last week, The Kid won a local free throw competition sponsored by the Elk's, so we got invited to the Lodge for dinner and an award ceremony - hello, dress-wearin' opportunity.

Yesterday, I try on the dress and pull out some knee-high suede boots - well, the suede boots look really dumb with the dress and, shockingly, cowboy boots would have been much cuter with the flower-y, prairie-ish dress.

Cute sandals would have been okay, too - BUT - open-toed shoes would have required some maintenance on the toenail polish I've neglected for at least a month. So Converse it is.

Also, the Elk's (or would it be Elks'? or Elks?) Lodge is a magical place - starting with the giant bronze elk statue outside and ending with the fact that the guy in charge is called the "Exhalted Ruler" (how freaking cool is that title?).

Here is a partial list of things I would have taken a picture of if I thought I'd been able to sneak it -

• the piano player who played show tunes all through dinner - he was about fifteen thousand years old, dressed like Colonel Sanders and wearing a toupee that looked like a raggedy cocker spaniel ear
• the giant chandelier in the dining room
• the entire table full of bowls of canned tropical fruit salad
• the giant bingo board
• the enormous painting hanging over the bar of a scantily clad woman 
• the hallway lined with head shots of Elk big wigs and Christmas trees
• the numerous elk paintings

And obviously I'm dying to become an Elk now because HELLO, they have a clubhouse lodge! With at least two full bars! And, hello, I'd be the youngest person by easily 814 years. And, per their website, you just have to be an American citizen, at least 21-years-old who believes in god - easy enough. But then reading further into it, you have to get sponsored by three existing members and you also have to be someone of high moral regard (or some other crap like that),  so I'm thinking if there's anyone savvy enough to google, my potty-mouthed blog is kind of hard to miss. Will I ever get my own satin jacket with a rainbow of pins on it? (Maybe I should look into Shriners, they get to wear those cute little hats...)

Fun sidenote - one of the questions on the application is "Are you a communist?" - I mean, really? What year was that written? 1950?

Labels: just sayin', sweeping generalizations