Monday, March 21, 2005

Yesterday, I had part of my soul sucked out... I mean, I went to visit my mom - she's moving in a month and is doing the spring cleaning thing of getting rid of all of the crap that she doesn't want to move - Of course, by the time we get there, she's already given away most of the good stuff to the other rich old people in her community, so by the time we get there, you know, us, her family, it's the remnants - Our takeaway consisted of:

• an archaic deep fryer (who the hell still deep fries stuff at home?)
• a giant cat toy that her cat doesn't like
• a bowling pin
• a decorative birdcage filled with candles
• one of those 80s makeup mirrors that shows you how you'll look in the different kinds of lights
• a 19 inch color tv from before the civil war
• a 700 pound lambskin jacket and some Haband pants that they're positive will bring in major dollars on eBay (except that - no)
• some hair things (see below)

The good, the bad and the icky of the day:

The good - I have my hair twisted up in several of those little clippy clips (because my particular brand of laziness prohibits me from doing my hair on the weekend) and my mom says "I have some clips like that, do you want them?" Do I want them? Of course, what girl doesn't need more of those little bitch clips? I have them laying all around my house because you never know when you're going to need to put your hair up. My mom rummages through a couple of boxes and hands me a ziploc bag full of... stuff - I go through the bag tossing out old cough drops, q-tips and makeup that she doesn't want and the only hair things I find are below

Okay, the one on the left is like an advanced banana clip, the one in the middle is an old school banana clip, but WTF is the one on the right? It's like a gigantic (ugly ass) scrunchie with plastic combs sewn into it - first happy hour drink is on me for anyone who can tell me what the hell to do with it (other than the obvious of tossing it in the trash)

The bad - My mom is going through this dresser in her spare room and one drawer is full of pictures of my son - her only grandson - seriously, every picture I've ever given her of him is in there - she offers them back to me because she's not sure if she'll have room for them in her new house - This is the part where I mention that her new house is 2700 square feet and it's only going to be her, my stepdad and their cocker spaniel. Yeah, those are going to be some close quarters - asshat

The icky - I go into their bedroom to get the tv that they're giving us (not that I could pick it up because it weighs about as much as a station wagon) and next to the tv on top of the dresser is a little mason jar filled with miniature golf balls (my stepdad is a golfer), on top of the mason jar is a little pom pom animal with a miniature golf club, and painted on the mason jar, in bubbly letters, is "Golfers make better swingers" - a chill goes through my entire body every time I even think of that - anyone know a good therapist?

I think this is the longest post I've written in... probably ever - so if anyone is still reading - boobs, blow job, panties