Thursday, December 15, 2005

Imagine if you will a burly, slightly dirty flannel-jacketed workman stealing a paperclip from my desk and then proceding to use it to clean under his grimy fingernails.

Imagine if you will the look I gave him for a full two minutes until he finally looked up at me.

"What?"

"Do you have to do that right next to my desk?"

"What? It ain't dirty."

"I just don't think our relationship is there yet."

"Whatchu mean?"

"It starts with the cleaning under the nails. Then it's borrowing my nail clippers and trimming them, possibly resulting in shrapnel on my desk. Then you'll start blowing your nose in front of me. Then picking your nose in front of me. Then you'll start scratching your butt or leaving the bathroom door open. We're not there yet and, to be completely honest, I don't really ever want to be there with you. No offense."

Sheepishly, he folded the paperclip back into place and placed it on my desk.

Then I picked it up and threw it at him.