Wednesday, October 06, 2010

if I were one of those freaks who Twittered her every move - my morning would look like this

8:54 - I really love the rain, but I really hate the way people in this state drive in the rain.

9:05 -  I love that my doctor's office always has good magazines in the waiting room.

9:08 - I hate that I'm never in the waiting room long enough to read any of their good magazines.

9:14 - holy crap, this mauve paper gown is so effing stylish. Wonder if I could snap a quick shot of myself in it before the nurse practicioner lady comes in.

9:18 - I wonder if there is a colony of artists who paint watercolor Southwest-themed paintings exclusively for doctor's offices. Damn that stuff is ugly.

9:25 - the magazines in here are significantly shittier than the ones in the waiting room. Like I want to read about the idiots on the Bachelorette or that family who has 19 kids.

9:27- I wonder if I could bust out my camera and take a couple pictures, there is always so much cool stuff in doctors' offices.

9:30 - Can't believe I'm reading a freaking People magazine with that family of crazy breeders on the cover.

9:37 - I wonder if they forgot about me. My appointment was at 9:10. Maybe I could just sneak out. Oh, wait, I'm the one who made the appointment.


9:47 - Made awkward small talk with the nurse practitioner lady while she groped my boob.


9:49 - Kind of glad she agreed that what I thought was a lump is a lump. I would have felt like an idiot if it wasn't.

9:51 - Even more glad that she's not concerned about aforementioned lump.

9:53 - She congratulated me on finding the lump. I briefly wonder if I should mention that I spend entirely too much time fondling myself - decide against it.

9:54 - She praised me for not panicking about it, even though I found it two weeks ago

9:55 - we had a nice little laugh about how it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and how I should have just gotten one of those bracelets instead of the lump.

9:58 - she went back and forth over referring me to get a mammogram, but finally decided to since I'm "close enough to 40"


9:59 - appropriately took umbrage at having my age rounded up like that, we had a little laugh about how silly girls are about that

10:02 - as she's handing me the referral for the mammogram, she reminds me that it's "the one that squishes you"

10:03 - "the one that squishes you" as opposed to... "the one that offers you a bowl of tapioca pudding"?

10:05 - She didn't really need to put "lump" in quotes on the mammogram referral thing. That makes it sound like it was a Skittle I found in my bra or something.

10:06 - mmmmm, Skittles

10:08 - Totally taking a picture of myself in this awful paper thing now that I've got the room to myself. I look like the long lost white Pointer Sister.

10:09 - might as well get a shot for my photo-a-day blog thing.

10:14 - okay, people who smoke directly outside of the door of a building full of doctors' offices - or any building for that matter - can FUCK RIGHT OFF - especially when it's raining so the smoke stays there.

10:32 - no boob squishing appointment until next Tuesday? Well, I've spent two weeks "not panicking" about it, I guess another few days isn't going to matter all that much.

10:40 - damn, why didn't I get Skittles at the store?

Labels: boobs