Friday, March 05, 2010

How to know when your Lady Gaga obsession has gone too far

So I'm in the grocery store today, buying, you know, groceries, and at the checkout, I happen to see the newest issue of Cosmopolitan - which I generally hate because it's all "buy this $50 lipstick and you'll be a supermodel" and "What to do with a naked man!", but Le Gaga was on the cover, so I tossed a copy of it in with my food.

The cashier scans the magazine and hands it to me. "Hey, is that Lady Gaga?" he asks.

"Yep."

"Doesn't she kind of look like Gwen Stefani?"

"Um... yeah, maybe a little bit. She sounds a lot like her on some songs."

"Does she? I haven't really listened to her."

"Oh, you should," I gush. "She's really amazing." I can't even believe the words as they're coming out of my mouth, they just fall out.

The cashier kind of stares at me for a second. "So, uh, do you ever, like, dress up like her and grab the hairbrush and sing in your mirror?"

"No!"

He continues staring at me.

"Okay, maybe once, don't tell anyone," I laughed.

He just nods.

"I'm serious, if anyone finds out, I'll come back and hurt you."

Yeah, I threatened a cashier over Gaga. Great, now I have to find a new grocery store. (Also, for those playing along at home, this is the second time in a year that's happened. I'm going to have to start ordering groceries over the internet.)

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Also, apropos of nothing, quickest way to endear yourself to me? Offer me candy (especially one of these) the first time we meet. Seriously, it's like the fast lane to BFF-hood.