Friday, March 04, 2011

Dear Flotsam and Jetsam of Walmart

I have accepted that, while I'm living in this tiny little hamlet, I will have to shop at that wretched store for some items*, but I'd like to let you guys know that the following things exist:

1) Parking space lines (that way I won't consider "accidentally" hitting your vehicle with the door of mine as I'm wedging myself into mine)

2) Personal Space (that way you won't run into me when I pause to go down an aisle. Also, the hair on the back of my neck won't singe from your 10AM stale beer and cigarette breath)

3) DEODORANT (that way I won't have to smell you from two aisles over)

4) Other People (that way I won't have to say "excuse me" three times [twice politely and once kind of sarcastically] before you finally move your cart and your ass out of the way so I can get to the shower curtain liners.)

Thanks a heap,

me


*today it was a toaster - I got grossed out cleaning out the one we have and needed another one and it's just a toaster, I didn't need one designed by Michael Kors or whomever else Target has kidnapped and forced to work in their sweatshop.

Labels: letter to