Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dear Fuckface Who Stole the GPS Unit Out Of My Vehicle Last Night,

I hate to tell you you, but that unit is 1) super low-end, 2) about 4 or 5 years old and 3) I've never updated the software - If you're planning on using it yourself (which I doubt, since you're obviously on foot) you're screwed. If you were planning on pawning it, you'll be lucky to get enough for lunch off of a dollar menu, no way you're going to get enough to support your crack habit.

Sorry I didn't have more for you to steal.

Good luck with your life and your choices.

p.s. you forgot the cord

p.p.s. eat a bag of dicks


Dear Super Cute Sheriff's Deputy,

Thanks for being nice and not making fun of me for 1) filing a report about my stolen old, not-worth-much GPS and 2) admitting that I'd left my vehicle unlocked last night*.


the girl who was glad she remembered undergarments, makeup and brushed hair this morning

* shut up, I'm not the only one who thinks it's a safe neighborhood, apparently I was the 4th person this morning to report a theft in the neighborhood and it was only 9AM when I filed the report.

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