Friday, March 30, 2012

Dear Neighbors 2 Houses Down From Me,

I've got to give it to you guys. Just when I thought that you couldn't be any more obnoxious, what with your 25 people in a single-family home, your cars parked all the fuck over the street, your blasting calliope music on every holiday, how you caught and ate my landlord's pet rabbits* and your asshole dog that you can't seem to keep contained on your property, you guys go and get a rooster.

Chickens are gaining popularity these days, they lay eggs, they eat the bugs and you can use their poo as fertilizer. They're also pretty quiet 90% of the time. You know what roosters do? They fucking crow ALL DAY LONG. This wouldn't be a problem if we lived, you know, on farms and your nearest neighbors were miles away, but seeing as we live in a city** and your house is maybe 50 yards from my house, it's a really asshole-y thing to do.

Thanks a heap for not even considering that you have neighbors,

the girl who's going to be planning on the best recipe for that fucker if I happen to find him outside

*he couldn't seem to keep them contained in his yard so I guess he just gave up after a while.

** we live in a part of the city that's technically unincorporated so some people have livestock - there are a few people a couple streets over who raised some goats for 4H and m neighbors across the street have some chickens


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