Wednesday, February 13, 2013

So, this morning, I'm sitting in the waiting room of my shrink's office and I'm irritated because I just found a splinter on my knuckle and I don't have anything I can use to dig it out and because, for the third month in a row* they're running at least half an hour late**.

This lady comes in, all squirrelly and disruptive***, she checks in for her appointment and plops down in a chair near me. She pulls out her phone and every time she touches anything on it, it makes some obnoxious cartoon noise. And she's touching it a lot. I don't know if she's playing a game or adding sound effects to a Buster Keaton movie.

Then she starts chewing gum... actually, "chewing" is the wrong word, she's murdering it. With her mouth wide open, she's making noises like a pack of hyenas on a carcass. It's gross. Seriously, how hard is it to chew gum with your mouth closed?

The longer and louder she's chomping, the more irritated I am at her. I can't understand how someone can have so little self-awareness, everyone else in the room is reading magazines or quietly messing around on his or her phone. I'm torn between wanting to yell "CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" and wanting to punch her in the throat.

Fortunately (for her), as I'm trying to decide whether this is the most appropriate place for either of those actions or the least, my shrink called me into the office. (and then one of my fave people treated me to Cuban food for a birthday lunch, so that made the day much better)

* it's a monthly maintenance appointment

** every time I've inquired about it (both politely and non-politely), they say that they're busier in the winter. If you've identified the problem, how about you... oh, I don't know... solve it? Running late once? Okay, shit happens, you're dealing with crazy people, no big, but if you've been running consistently 30-45 minutes late for months? Maybe change the way you schedule shit.

*** you know how there's always that person in the waiting room who wants attention - in a shrink's office, there is usually one every few minutes


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