Monday, May 12, 2008

Here's why I'm always tired

Sometime before dawn, I found myself half-awake thinking that I had to pee.

Because I wasn't wearing my contacts, I had no idea what time it was and whether it was five minutes before the alarm or two hours, I had to ask myself how much I really needed to pee because I knew that if I got up, the dogs would wake up and then I'd have to stumble out to the kitchen (probably tripping over at least one cat) and let them out. Then I'd either have to wait for them to pee and let them back in (which would mean standing in the screened-in porch and hoping that no cockroaches snuck up on me because, obviously, I wouldn't be able to see them and they could infect me with cockroach cooties), or go back to bed and hope that they didn't start barkapalooza in our tiny little backyard and wake up all of my neighbors and their dogs (and keep me from getting back to sleep).

For the past day or so, I've been feeling that icky coming-down-with-a-cold feeling that you can't ever do anything about so I decided that I needed all the sleep I could get, whether it was another five minutes or another hour, so I rolled over to go back to sleep.

Of course, when I rolled over, one of the dogs stirred, which made the other one stir and then they were both awake and decided that they had to pee. IMMEDIATELY.

So I roll out of bed and shuffle into the kitchen where I stick my face about an inch from the clock on the microwave and see that it's almost five thirty. Which meant that if I went back to bed RIGHT AT THAT SECOND, I could get an hour and a half of sleep before the alarm.

I tossed the dogs outside and hurried back to bed before the cockroaches could get me.

I had no sooner fallen into bed and made myself comfortable when my dogs started barking. Not just one or two barks, but a lot. I let it go for a second, then realized that they weren't going to stop, so I crawled back out to the kitchen to let them back in.

Of course, back in the bedroom, it took them forever to settle down and get comfortable and just as I'm thisclose to getting back to sleep, I remember that I need to pee.

Of course, this starts my thought process again and I wonder if I can get out of bed and to the bathroom and back to bed without really being awake so I could go back to sleep and still get that hour and a half of sleep.

Then I start to wonder if we have any daytime cold medication and if any of it is sore-throat specific... I mean, I know we have some of that throat spray, but that stuff only works for a few minutes and I really don't want to spend the day all achy and icky-feeling... and I remember that I need to go to the grocery store to get wonton wrappers so if we need it, I could get some cold medicine, and I think about how I never think to buy cold medicine unless I have a cold and I usually wait until it's a full-blown cold and I'm totally miserable, I think it might be a better idea to stock up on some so that it's available the next time I need it.

And I still have to pee.

So I finally get up to pee and while I'm peeing for about five minutes (how many gallons of water did I drink last night? seriously.) I spy the fuzzy shape of my nearly empty bottle of contact lens solution on the bathroom counter and remember that I need to buy more of that at the grocery store when I get that cold medicine... then I wonder if I could just go to Walgreen's because they'd probably have a better selection of cold medication... but then there's the wonton wrappers... but I really don't need them until Wednesday because we're not having the wonton soup until Wednesday... but then I'd have to go to the grocery store on Tuesday, too...

And of course, by the time I get back to bed, I'm wide awake, but still sofa king tired.

Seriously, I must spend two hours a day laying in bed thinking that I should be asleep but that I can't stop thinking about stupid shit instead.