Monday, August 13, 2012

Thank, I'll be here all week, please tip your waitress

So I go in to the same jungle-themed, filthy-rug-having office as last Friday to meet my new therapist dude.

Today's waiting room crowd was older, which was nice, there was a guy with a tattoo of a Salvador Dali painting on his calf and a lady in her 40s wearing a babydoll dress I'm pretty sure I wore to a Hole concert in 1993.

The therapist dude calls me back, I settle down in an uncomfortable chair (is it wrong that I'm still hoping for a shrink with a leather chaise lounge? Its like cartoons lied to me all these years) and he asks me what I'm there for, I tell him I have a problem with depression and anxiety and he asks me what I want to tell him about that.


"I don't know, what do you want to know about it?"
"Anything you'd like to tell me about it," he says calmly.
"Okay, sorry, I'm new at this talk therapy thing, but you're going to have to ask me slightly more specific questions or this is going to be like pulling teeth."

Here's what I found out in therapy today - I'm good at "deflecting". The doctor noticed this the first time he spent a loooooong minute talking about his education and credentials. He complimented me on it the third third time he spent five minutes talking about himself and not my dysfunction(s). He called it a "good defense mechanism". I called it "my super power". He suggested I try stand-up comedy...


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